Holidays Maui Bans

The biggest one of course is Thanksgiving for reasons already stated.

Next is Martin Luther King Day. I can't stand the marching and the singing - really what did that accomplish? I will not idly stand by while we pay homage to a black womanizing, possibly drug using, reverend from the South. Stay tuned to hear about my plans as this holiday gets closer.

President's Day - I think celebrating Lincoln's birthday is pathetic. After the jam he put this country in, what are you people thinking? We are still dealing with the crime, drugs and illegitimate children as a product of freeing the slaves. Why don't we just make a National Welfare/Prison Holiday? We could call it "Hand Out Day".

Flag Day - can someone tell me the purpose of this one?

In Massachusetts we have Patriot's Day. Again I think this is a big ploy by runner's for attention during their Boston Marathon. They have to run when it's a holiday and ruin anything on the telly. It's a self serving holiday for them.

Maui's All Time Favorite Christmas Albums

I know what you are thinking. I am Jewish, but I don't see what bearing that has on Christmas. Can someone please tell me why I can't go and spend lavish amounts of money on people I rarely see much less like? I didn't think so.

Here goes my list:

Christmas Album by Johnny Mathis
Holly and Ivy by Natalie Cole
Magic of Christmas by Natalie Cole - I, particularly, enjoy this one with a glass of egg nog and Frankie.
The Christmas Song by Nat King Cole
Christmas Album by Nat King Cole
The Spirit of Christmas by Ray Charles
Christmas Collection: 20th Century Masters by Stevie Wonder
Christmas Album by Barbra Streisand
A Christmas Album by Barbra Streisand - although the titles sound the same they are totally different albums - don't deny yourself either one!
Because It's Christmas by Barry Manilow
A Christmas Gift of Love by Barry Manilow - what a gift it is my friends!

Of course, I can't forget my Daddy's album The Christmas Album, Improvisational Christmas, by far my favorite. If you buy nothing else this season, this album is a must for all Jews because it is solely the piano, so you won't be bothered with those "Jesus lyrics".

Why I HATE LIARS!!!!!!!

In my world things are dealt with rather simply. We kill, eat what we killed and mate that is about it. However, I have human friends, well I use term loosely, and they are so deceitful. I can't understand why they lie about things that do not matter. Others lie about the most important things - ie relationships. Others carry on 2 lives by cheating on their significant others. I don't understand this behavior. Why not just kill the one you are cheating on and then you won't be cheating? That is what we would do in my world. Ultimately, I hate liars not because they lie that is their own shortcoming. No, I hate them because they make me question my sense of judgement and gut feelings. For example, when you know you are being lied to you, you feel it, but you don't say anything and you think "well, maybe it is me". I say when you feel that way "kill them"!

Why I Hate President Lincoln

I know what you are thinking I hate President Lincoln because he freed the slaves. It is clear that that was not the true purpose of the Civil War and happened merely as an afterthought. Although I do not agree with his position on that one and what it is cost our country, I feel freeing them and the poverty and crime that has ensued has been more costly than any other war in history. However, in politicals as I well know you have to barter and freeing the slaves was merely a bargaining chip. No, I hate him because he declared Thanksgiving a national holiday in 1863. Can you believe the sheer magnitude of my hatred toward him? I mean freeing the slaves - okay, everyone makes a political blunder, but instituting a hate crime as a national holiday!

Sequences, Leather and Wrinkles - WHY?

Can someone explain to me why women feel the need to adorn themselves in clothes that are totally inappropriate?
First off let's set some ground rules: If you have are any type of menopausal - leather is out;
If you there are 2 digits in your size - leather is out;
If you used to wear it many years ago - DON'T NOW;
If when you move, your outfit catches the light - remove it;
If it looks painted on - take it off;
Finally, if your face is more wrinkled than your outfit -
don't leave the house.

Thanksgiving Day RIOT!!!

SHHHH!!! My Mommy and Daddy don't know, but I am planning a Thanksgiving Day RIOT. The Turdunkin put me over the edge. I can't sit idly by and watch my gay cousin (the turkey), my drunk brother-in-law (the duck) and my stupid half ass relative (the chicken) be murdered. I have called in the black militia - the crows - to aid in my plight. I know what I have said about blacks in the past, but I am desperate. Besides, they are okay when serving a purpose as long as they continue to know their place. My plan involves the Macy Day Parade, which any idiot knows is just a big marketing ploy of a long drawn out ad. MARK MY WORDS A FLOAT IS GOING DOWN!!!!!!!!!

Turdunkin and What It Means for Me

Did you know that there is such a thing as a Turkey, Duck and Chicken combined into one for Thanksgiving? What is wrong with humans? How much poultry do you need? My GOD get a grip. My concern is that I am next. I think a Turdunkin could easily fit a Sun Conure into the mix. Perhaps, you sickos would call it a Sunning Turdunkin. DISGUSTING!!! You humans and insatiable need for poultry make me question your ability to reason.