The Big Three

So, we all know that the Big Three are begging Congress for a "bail out", but I think that Congress is missing the bigger picture. The Big Three have contributed significantly to the fattening of America by making big cars. People feel petite or small if you will in a big car with big cabin room. The SUV's, trucks, and big sedans are all part of the reason America is so disgustingly fat. I can't stand it. It makes me sick to my stomach. I advise Congress to only allow the bailout if the Big Three plan on shrinking their cars, so that Americans will be forced to shrink their waist lines!

Palin and 2012

Okay, if I see one more Palin interview I think I am going to start endorsing Thanksgiving. It's ridiculous. This woman couldn't form a complete sentence or a coherent thought during the campaign. Now that she can interview on absolutely nothing she can't get enough of the spotlight. It makes me sick to my stomach. She seems to be under the impression that she will be running for the Presidency in 2012. Doesn't she realize that by 2012 the only thing that she will be running is after will be several illegitimate grandchildren?

Obama and Clintons

Obama needs to realize that the Clinton's "know people" and he should be fearful for his job. I keep hearing the rumors that Hillary will be a cabinet member. I don't know if Bill can handle it. Bill, as we found on the campaign trail, is best as a leading man. Also, if Hillary is Secretary of State, I want to know what Bill's role will be. Let's face it Hillary couldn't control him in the White House or on the campaign trail. There is the question of what her lesbian lover's role will be in the cabinet. I don't know I think Obama may be in for more than he bargains for!

The Stolen Red Lunch Box

So, my Daddy was leaving here this morning and I saw him with my Mommy's red lunch box for work. I screamed at him to drop it and he wouldn't. Instead, he turned looked at me, locked me in my house, and put me in the other room. I was going ballistic and screaming and banging my head for him to drop the lunch box. He still wouldn't. I just want everyone to know that I tried to stop him, but that there was nothing that I could do. Of course, the alarm didn't go off because he was already in the house. My Mommy wasn't home and the neighbors are useless. So, I am pleading with you my adoring fans go hunt Daddy down and get back my Mommy's lunch box. Once again, it is a red lunch box with a handle and zipper. Daddy may be armed and dangerous, don't approach Daddy without a police officer on standby. He may have hidden the lunch box under his shirt or it could be "buried" in his car or it could be on Ebay. There is no telling what Daddy has done with my Mommy's lunch box. Someone has to help me get back the red lunch box.

Obama Won and I'm Scared

So, in the words of McCain, "my friends Obama won and I'm scared". I'm scared because I just realized all the things about the "black world" that I don't know, but I will now have to scramble to know in order not to be killed. I don't know Ebonics; I don't like Rap; I don't eat a "messing of anything", including Watermelon, Fried Chicken and Corn Bread; I don't have a beat up Honda Civic with the rims that spin and a tripped out speaker system; I don't have a "black wardrobe" to blend in with the others, you know what I am talking about Gold Chains, Baggy Pants (depending on what area of the country you are in), a "Warm Up Suit"; I don't have any stolen goods; no one in my family is in jail; no one I know lives in the projects; I have a job writing my blog; I don't expect other people to pay my way, i.e. welfare; I don't use drugs and I can't hook you up with someone who does or deals them; lastly, I am not grossly overweight. What am I going to do? How can I possibly master all of these black factors by January?

The Crow Vote

I will admit that I do not have ANY black friends, however, I am aware of the black crows existence. I have heard through the grapevine if you will that the black crows plan to show up at the polls in record numbers to support Obama. We know that they can't vote, so how will they effect this election. It's very simple. I have insider knowledge if you will on their plan. They are going to primarily "white Republican voting polls" and the shit is literally going to fly. The plan is to wait until about 10 AM when there is a line of people outside waiting to vote and then simultaneously throughout the country the crows are going to launch their attack. First, some people may think "oh, how nice a flock of birds flying overhead". But then the crows are going to swoop down and begin "shitting" on people in line, particularly the women because they are more easily offended and embrassed. Next for the few who can withstand that they are going to get closer and begin plucking at their faces. Finally, if they make it in to vote when they come out they are going to find that their cars are engulfed in crow shit. The crows have been in training for this attack. They have been eating a lot of eggs and taking laxatives. In addition, they have employeed the geese as "back up" if you will. So, get out there and vote!

Bradley Effect

Okay, today is election day in case you didn't already know. I feel it is my obligation to bring up the Bradley Effect. The Bradley Effect, for those of you who do not have a clue on anything political beyond what you read in USA Today, is basically where people through polling say that they will vote one way, but that when it comes down to the election they will actually vote just the opposite. I am so sick of hearing about it and the whimps who do not want to call what it really is... "THE BLACK EFFECT". You can say that you will vote for Obama and appear all politically correct. However, no one is in the voting booth with you, so that is where "THE BLACK EFFECT" will kick in for sure.