Bark at Blacks

I already have received my first report in regards to Nini. Apparently, she went to a pet store to get a "Florida crate" and there was an incident. She was fine with all the white patrons in the store. However, when a black policewoman came in the barking and growling started. Oh, she makes me proud. I see that the little time that I have spent with her has been meaningful. It warms my heart to know that she did listen to my rants about blacks she has taken up her crusade against them....big or small....tall or short....in uniform or jail jumpsuits...she will not be deterred in her quest. Daddy, of course, had mixed emotions of embarrassment and awe. He had to discipline her because they were in public and I had forewarned her to be careful Daddy will agree with you in the car and then yell at you in front of others, so that he looks tolerant. What a way to end 2009.

I'm a Victim....

....if I hear it one more time from anyone I'm going to scream. Why is it that people try to make their life out into something it's not? From fake blogs to overreactions it disgusts me. I'm sick and tired of hearing about how great or awful someone else's life is. I take my lesson here from Nini. Dogs are able to assess a situation, deal with it and move on. They don't dwell over it. Humans needs to apply this same practice to their daily lives. Stop running to your husband to fix your woes. I'm single and I deal with everything on my own. I make my own way in the world and I never tell anyone about it. I just deal.

Q-Tipville

That's right I'm back in Chicopee with the old guards whose heads look like giant q-tips. I'm always a little stunned when I first see them. Daddy whisked me in to have Nini immediately starting peeing. I'm being housed in a barn. I won't tolerate unsanitary conditions. Then once she was done, she decided to stand on her hind legs and stare into my cage. This behavior won't be tolerated. I haven't slept very well the last few days with Daddy and now I've been transported to the other end of the state. I'm at my biting point.

My Room

So, I was in Grafton with my room all to myself when who should arrive to spend the night, actually a few, but my Daddy. He stinks up the room with his lack of digestion. I was enjoying having some quiet time. No, he insists on having the television and the light on as he reads a book. My guess is he can't read and he is just trying to distract me and Mommy from the real issue at hand. Last night was the last straw. Apparently, Daddy caught a cold, so he was up all night coughing and then he brought in Truffles who decided that panting at 3 AM was the thing to do. I'm exhausted. I didn't get my beauty sleep and today I am en route to Chicopee where God knows I won't get any rest.

Nini's Egg Salad

It has come to my attention that Nini has a signature dish that she makes, which has been handed down from one generation to another. It's her famous egg salad. I find it hard to believe that this dish is not a dig at me. Who but old people eat egg salad? Yet, this youngster is known for it. How ridiculous. I heard Mommy and Daddy talking the other day how Nini loves egg salad and really likes it mayoey. How disgusting! Figures I wouldn't expect anything less repulsive from her.

Freeeezzzinnggg!!!!

I can't take it anymore, I'm from the tropics. I'm not meant to be in this weather even if I am inside. I shouldn't have to look out my window at snow, it's just wrong in every sense. I want to be in Florida and if my Daddy so much as drives one mile on 95-S without me that will be the end of our hate filled relationship. When he comes back, he will find one nasty bird. I am not going to take this treatment anymore. I will lash out.

Ho, ho, ho....

.....that's a phrase Tiger Woods can use all year round. I wonder what is on his Christmas list. I am guessing something for this one and that one and then there's the lawyer fees for this one and that one. I wonder if he does stocking stuffers, I bet he believes in homemade gifts to stuff everyone's stockings with for the holiday. A sprinkle of Tiger in the air, it's the happiest season of all to see an icon fall on his face for the whole world to see. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. I just love this time of year.

Pagan Holiday

All your Jesus loving freaks who think Christmas is so religious need a history lesson, including above all Nini Marie Antinori. She's the biggest believer there is with her choir and midnight mass as if she were a nun kissing a preist's ass. It's pathetic not to mention that she dresses up as Santa thinking that it has something to do with Jesus. A typical religious fanatic she doesn't know the history of the holiday. It started as a Pagan holiday and was linked to religion by Saint Nicholas, who on December 6th, that's right not the 25th, gave gifts to good children and nothing to bad children. When the Dutch came to this god foresaken hell hole, they brought the tradition of Saint Nick with them. So, Nini, has to get her facts and her act straight or else I will have to set her straight and it won't be pretty. Happy Holidays and a Happy New Year!

PS Make sure you worship the retail gods that Christmas is really all about. Thank god I'm a Jew.

All Black Quarterbacks....

.....SUCK! That's right I said it. The two exceptions are Warren Moon and Donovan McNabb, not that I know either of them personally. However, my Daddy claims that they are good. I find this claim hard to believe. My Daddy is partial to McNAbb because "supposedly" he went to Syracuse with him. I find this "supposed" fact hard to believe and harder to collaborate. Since black quarterbacks can't read, they don't know any plays. All they can do is simply run with the ball, a move that they are rather familiar with given their upbringing. How is that anything more than a glorified running back or a common theif? Why does the NFL continue thsi NCAAP experiment. It's clearly not going well, ie Michael Vick. How many dogs did it take to get this man convicted? Only to find now that he is back in the with white big titted chicks hanging all over him. It's a disgrace. I would never want to see Nini licking Vick's ass. I would hate to see it come that even though I despise her mere presence.

You Run, but You Can't...

....well, even Nini knows how the rest of that one goes. Tomorrow they are leaving Florida and returning to the North. God knows why, I am perfectly happy here in the Grafton ward. I hope that they are not coming home to harass me, oh to dream. I know why they are coming home. They are travelling with a devote Catholic and naturally, she has to be "home" to celebrate Christmas. It figures she is Catholic, look at how small her brain is. I'm not at all surprised. So, through the snow and sleet they will travel just to get Nini to her house of worship where she will play with the priest, lucky for her she's not an alter boy and partake in all the ridiculous rituals we call Christmas. I hope that she doesn't embarrass herself at midnight mass, but knowing her it's a given.

Nini is a Racist

I am the last one to criticize a racist. If anything I hold them in high esteem, but I just thought I should make everyone else aware of it. It has come to my attention several times during her stay in Florida. I heard that she "tinkled" when two big black men entered her condo delivering furniture while our Mommy was out in the hall. I can understand her fear and confusion as to why they were bringing in furniture as opposed to removing it, hence, the pee. The next glaring incident was in Broward County when an enormous black women was running across the street. I know the situation as the sea gulls forwarded me the pictures. In this case Nini barked and growled at the woman from the safety of her car. The reason I know that Nini is a racist is because she has been presented with similar situations except that the people were white. She has witnessed white people cross the street and white men visiting the condo and has failed to react. They should have known she would be a white supremacist where she is an all white dog.

Daytime TV

I understand that that little white peeing rat likes to watch television. However, we are not talking newsworthy programs. Instead, we are talking your usual daytime crap. Nini starts her day with Ellen and stares at the television in amazement that a lesbian is smiling and actually seems happy. Next she turns her attention to Dr. Oz. Apparently, this program is one in which we can agree. Who can turn away from a doctor mortifying fat people on national television by pointing out their lab values to the nation? Then Nini takes a nap and recovers a little from that emotional rollercoaster to switch her attention to Dr. Phil. Here she enjoys watching Dr. Phil tell people what losers they are when in reality he himself is a loser with several past business dealings and a marriage that has failed. Just about when she has had enough of Dr. Phil on comes Oprah. Nini and I have daily bets as to how much she has gained since the last episode. I usually win Nini is always under and I'm always within a few ounces. You may wonder how I can know that I am correct. I have birds going through her trash and they report back all the fast food wrappers and from that it is a simple calculation of caloires in verses caloires burned. Any fool could do it except for Nini of course.

Who Called It?

That's right it was me. I said when Tiger first smashed his Caddy into a tree that drugs were involved and low and behold they are. He was admitted for an overdose of Ambien and Vicodin. His drug dealer is a doctor. Sound like another famous black man we all knew? Instead, of hitting high notes Tiger hits little white balls. Why is anyone even surprised that a black man uses drugs? I can't believe this news is shocking to the general public and media.

A Pan Filled with Water

The message is clear when in front of several people a pan is filled with water and people are coaxing me to get into it. Do they think that I am stupid? Clearly, it wasn't for a bath. It was to kill me. Do they think that I have forgotten about Thanksgiving? I am just crossing my wings that I will still be alive when my Mommy and Daddy and that rat come back. Not to mention that it is snowing here. I hope that they are enjoying the sun, while I am in combat mode.

Daddy and Computers

If anyone is looking to learn new swear words, then they should go to work with my Daddy when his computers fail or he can't print something. Of course, it is not just the swearing it's the throwing his hands up in the air and the shaking of his head. It is really quite theatrical and entertaining. I usually just put my head down and keep eating. I find the best approach during this time is to ignore Daddy and deal with him when he is in a calm submissive state. Nini, on the other hand, is not familiar with this scene and she jumps up on Daddy's legs further adding to his level of anxiety and aggravation. I know better, but then again I'm not a dumb dog either.