Bird Tricks

I encourage each and everyone of you to visit www.birdtricks.com and egg them via email. These two gay brothers are insane. My Mommy and Daddy watched one of their dvd's on how they could learn new tricks to do with me, which was all fine and dandy. However, one of the gay brothers is clinically insane. He keeps sending my Mommy dirty birdy emails and demanding of her to purchase more of his products. I mean my God sir get a grip if you know what I mean.

Obama and the Kennedy's

Honestly, wasn't it enough for the Kennedys to associate with Martin Luther King and the whole civil rights movement? Now they have to support Obama. If I were him, I would be careful of his so called friends. We all know where that got King.

Whom I Blame

My guards are eating their dinner, so I have a minute. I am slowly remembering the finer details of my intervention. I was put in Daddy's car and he was driving! I never would have thought that my own Daddy would inflict this torture on me. If and when I ever go back home to my Mommy, I am going to go crazy if Daddy even dares approach me like a rabid wild animal. I will never trust that man I call Daddy again!

Where Am I

Hello, everyone I am writing to you while my guards are preoccupied. I will try to write as fast as I can. Last Friday in the middle of the night I was transported with all of my belongings to an undisclosed location deep in the woods. Upon my arrival I was whisked inside where I was then poked, proded and stared at by 2 guards and other inmates. I have read about this happening, but I never thought it would happen to me. I'm in REHAB, I hope. What else could it be? I am in the woods far from all temptations. I haven't had a glass of wine in 3 days. They are trying to strip away my sheer identity. They chased me around and finally caught me and cut off my wings. I can still see them there, but they will not work for me. I cannot fly any longer. I attend "group" in the morning with the other inmates. At first I thought I was above them (literally) because I could fly and now my guards are trying to make me become one of them. I will NEVER. They can strip me of everything, but my soul. I still refuse to cooperate with my guards. I lash out whenever possible and refuse to let them in my cell. Oh no, I think they see me on the computer. I have to go, but will write when I can.

Wine and My Cold

Hello, friends as many of you know I love my red wines from merlots to cabarnets to sangioveses, which reminds me of my days in Italy. However, I also have developed a slight problem. I drink to the point where I cannot fly. Now, I find that I have a cold and my Mommy being a know it all PharmD is telling me that cough syrups are a waste of my money. I could not agree more, so I have decided to replace Nyquil with wine. I find it helps my throat and stops my cough at night. Why bother with expensive disgusting tasting cough syrups when you can indulge in wine? In addition it helps with my disposition, which as some of you may have experienced can be harsh at times. There is no reason for my disposition as I have led nothing but a life of sheer privilege. I think it is the ridiculousness of the world that surrounds me that has caused me to adapt this tough exterior. I contemplate these things when I drink my wine and then I forget about them as any good glass should make you do. Don't you agree?

Martin Luther King Day

Can you believe it is that time of year already? My friends what is the federal government thinking? I am disturbed to think that we as Americans, me being a Jewish German American, would choose to honor a womanizing minister???? This concept seems hypocritical to me, but then I think the Kennedys are viewed as American Royalty.

I have a dream... of no more crack, whore welfare mothers living in the projects. Do you see me having a holiday named after me? NO. Of course, you don't. Although my dream could actually clean up the inner cities that the Civil Rights Movement helped to build.

What is a Legacy

Well, friends I have been giving a lot of thought to what makes up a legacy. Is it held in the amount of money that is left for heirs to inherit? Is it the in the family jewels? Is it contained in the car you had? Or in the real estate you acquired?

Clearly, the answer is no. A legacy consists of a memory. A memory is created by your interactions with others. You can create a feeling when you are with someone that makes them want to be with you or want to run away from you. The feeling that you create is what makes your legacy. You can leave all the material objects to someone, but it will not be appreciated if the feeling you created with them when you were alive was not positive.

Katie Couric and Why I Hate Her

Besides the bad hair cut and the "dilantin gums", I have several deeper reasons as to why I hate her. First off let me explain for those of you who are not medically trained like me what dilantin gums are. Dilantin is a drug used to treat epileptics and one of the side effects is the gums become bigger. Katie Couric is a perfect example of this side effect. That aside has anyone noticed how she dresses? I found a picture of her in one of those tabloids with her in the same dress as Britney Spears. One is too old for such attire and secondly, Britney wore the dress two years ago. My God woman at least wear something current if it's going to be in poor taste. Onward to her so called journalism. Are you kidding me with this evening news bit? I think she get a talk show and stop kidding herself, CBS and the American public who like to be fooled on a daily basis.

At Least the Seagulls are Good for Something!

Well, my friends - we did it! Ohbama lost in the New Hampshire Primary. I knew my well thought out plan would work. The seagulls more than anyone I know hate the thought of Ohbama in the White House. Of course, the seagulls being white would understand my plight and realize what a catastrophy Ohbama would be if this thing went any further. Did you see the cover of Time? "Our time has come" - after the Iowa victory. Although at that point I already had my plan set, I knew that there could be no room for error. The seagulls and I secretly met two nights before the primary. We purposely did not include the pigeons in the meeting because in the Bird World they are considered the "Puerto Ricans" of the species and you never know they might start to sympathize with the Ohbama supporters and especially given Iowa with only the pigeons. Our meeting involved mapping out major highways and thwarting possible voters before they made it to the polls. The seagulls loaded up on carbohydrates and fish the night before the elections. There was one bus on I-95 carrying Black Christians - the seagulls could hear them singing and see the bus rocking with their clapping and hollering - before they launched their attack. The bus was surrounded by seagulls and that is when the shit flew literally. At first they did not notice, but the driver had to stop the bus because he could not see the cars in front of him. Aaaahh, the sweet smell of victory. I am not a Hillary lover, but I will take a lesbian with a sham of a marriage if I have no other choice. Onward to the Democratic nominations - when we employ the hawks.

My New Year's Resolution and Daddy

Well, it has been a week since my New Year's Resolutions have taken effect and I am sorry to say that I have not been able to diminish the number of fights between me and Daddy into half. If anything this past weekend, the fights have been more animated and started with him merely looking at me. I will be minding my own business with my Mommy and then for some reason he decides to ask my opinion about politics or sports and I will nicely ignore him. The request will come again and it is at that point that "I lose it". I begin flying at him with my beak wide open or I graze by him or I simply outright attack him. In today's biggest fight by far not the only one I lost a tail feather in the course of my attack. I am okay with that - that is what is to be expected in times of WAR. Some people will come out stronger, others weaker and others not at all. I think much of the tension in the air revolves around the results in Iowa. I admit I am more on edge because of it. I hope with the help of the seagulls New Hampshire will go my way and I will be able to meet my New Year's Resolution. However, until then I am "wild" with anger.

My New Year's Resolutions

Happy New Year to you my friends. I hope you all are making a list of your resolutions. Here are some of mine this year:

I want to terminate Duvall Patrick's governship in the next 3 months. I know it can be done. I am willing to work hard and devise a foolproof plan to get him out of office!
I want to have a bigger house. I am tired of being cramped in a small space and constantly feeling that Mommy and Daddy are watching me. I need some privacy.
I plan on teaching Mommy and Daddy some new tricks in order to keep them entertained.
I hope to have less fights with Daddy in particular. I am able to manipulate Mommy more than Daddy, therefore, we get into at least 2 fights per day, sometimes per hour. In 2008 I am looking to cut that number in half. Therefore, I am going to have let my anger build and pass on opportunities to have little squabbles, so that when I do have a fight it will be worthy of my hostility. I know that I will have to swallow my pride in order to cut down my fight number in half, but I am willing to do that to a certain degree.
Finally, I know we all say it every year, but this year I am vowing not to be near any losers and users. I know it will be hard to maintain this resolution as every day will be an uphill battle, but I know if I put my mind to it I can keep this promise to myself.

Good Luck to all of you with your New Year's Resolutions! I know that you will make me proud.