Sidenote

To just explain White and Black Dave - there are 2 Dave's at Dino's (the Italian restaurant we go) and one always wears black hence Black Dave.

Nini Marie Antinori

That's her full name, she's a Catholic and a virgin. I don't think this arrangement is going to work. Now, mind you I have only heard of her through the grapevine as I am still in Grafton. Great, a dog to ruin my days now as if Daddy wasn't enough.

Black Dave

So, I keep hearing that Black Dave only works one night a week and on weekends. I asked my Mommy and Daddy, "well, where is he during the day?" to which they replied he's at the courthouse. Oh, my God!! Why aren't alarm bells ringing in their pee size brains. They claim he works there. Okay, and OJ is just visiting the jail he resides in too. Isn't it obvious he's a career criminal! We all know the lingo for someone on trial - "he's in court, he's at the courthouse." He's out on bail is more like it, which comes as no surprise.

I'm Doomed

They are talking about and looking at a dog, I'm done. I can't deal with something that thinks it's ass is dessert. I put up with adopting Daddy that was one thing, but now a canine. It will be like living in a zoo here if that happens. I am officially out if anything with fur is allowed to live with me. I'm letting everyone know I'm up for adoption again should this talk become more than that. More to follow on the official adoption procedures should we need to cross that bridge.

Imus

My day starts every day with my Mommy turning on the telly to watch Imus on the Fox Business Channel. Could anyone's day start out more vulgar? I can't stand Imus. I know I'm negative, but this man has it down to a science. He's insulting to his guests, audience and co-workers. It's astounding that people watch him religiously, but then again why should I be astounded as I am forced to watch him on a daily basis.

She Puked!

That's right, Daddy's cat friend came in, ate and puked! I blame Daddy. Mommy t0ld him only give her half a can of cat food, but no Daddy gave her the whole can. So, guess what happened. This cat that is starved for more than just affection ate the whole can and HURLED on Mommy's carpet. Mommy didn't get mad, she just told Daddy that it was his fault. My mommy knows how to make me proud.

Metal Sticks

After her soul finding trip to the Rockies, my Mommy came home with metal sticks that she insists on walking with everywhere. My theory is she doesn't really need them and just keeps them around to force Daddy to clean, do laundry, cook, you name it. I think she wants Daddy to realize all that she does. Why she keeps up the act to the point that he has to dress and shower her I don't understand? But, hey everyone's marriage is unique!

White Dave

Supposedly, now my Mommy is such an embrassment that white Dave at her favorite Italian spot is insisting she come in through the kitchen only. He doesn't want all the customers to see her. If I may make a suggestion to white Dave - buy 2 rolls of duck tape. It will save you from her endless chit chat! You will only need one roll, but I could use the other. She doesn't shut up "who's a good boy, pretty, pretty" and then the condescending "wow". It's relentless. I know that poor white Dave would like to just scream like I do, but feels it would be inappropriate. Well, I'm imploring him and others to just scream when she starts. If we all do it, she'll get the hint I hope.

My Mommy Can't Read

I didn't want to believe it at first, I tried to deny it, but I just have to face the reality of the situation - she can't read. Why else would the television be on constantly? It's worse than living with an old person. She starts at 6 AM with Imus of all vile things to start your day with and she wonders why I start my day screaming. Then we have the luxury of breakfast and her leaving me with the telly on, doesn't she get it. I hate the noise. It literally rattles my cage. All day it won't stop. The only possible explanation for it is her inability to read. Good God I hope that she doesn't get hooked on soap opera's next in exchange for the History Channel.

Only A Few Days to Go...

...until I'm rid of them. I can't wait! No more snoring or black pussy threats. Good riddance. I won't have my computer with me, however, and my Mommy cut off my cell phone, so I will be out of touch while they are gone. That's okay. I plan to relax, tear up a new book, antagonize Truffles and be spoiled in Grafton. The only thing is there I can't take a daily bath, so when Daddy and Mommy come home I might be ripe. Oh, well serves Daddy right for not even trying to book me a ticket. He knows that I love to fly.

Daddy's New Car

Daddy finally bought a new car. After he sold his Honda, a whole month went by before he finally purchased a car. I told Mommy this is what happens after you get married - you have to cart Daddy around now. She tried to tell me he was getting a new car, but after a month went by even she couldn't bring herself to say it. Apparently, it's a new Mazda all loaded up and I'm not allowed in it. Oh, welll I don't really care anyway. I prefer the Jeep, I'm up high, I can see and forewarn my Mommy of danger. The Jeep goes more with my take no prisoners personality. Daddy can keep his little hatchback.