HELP!!!!

I am begging you my loyal readers/followers for your help! I keep trying to escape while the guards are out doing yard patrol, you know out getting a gallon of milk. I diveboom to the floor and after I get my bearings I start heading to the door. Now, if any of you have seen how I walk, I'm a bit loopsided. My feet cross over each other, so I can't make good time. I no sooner edge to the door when they come waltzing in with their gallon of milk. At that point I have no other choice, but to make noise and pray that they will hear me and not step on me, not to mention I get the draft of the door and start to rethink my plan. I need someone to get them out long enough for me to make it to the door and I've decided I am going to have a cab waiting. However, I don't carry American money on me. I am asking for your help in distracting them and in raising cab fare. I do not accept checks, gift cards or spare change. I will only accept unmarked bills.

Delusional Kool Aid

Where can I get some? Everyone seems to have their own stash - Bush had it be the case, the Republicans brew it, and people that I know suck it down. Since when did living in a neighborhood with broken windshields and trash in the trees, be spun as a sought after location?
Also, women I have to say that I think by far you are the biggest consumers of it all! Let's start with your views with men "I'll change him", "I can't leave", "he doesn't mean it". What is with this creature that they fail to accept reality when it is staring them right in the face? I think it's a shortcoming and a neediness and the only thing that can explain it is swigging down the Kool Aid. My Mommy and I say "FUCK IT" we are reality bound, regardless, of what the rest of the world is drinking.