McCain and Obama

So, the race is neck and neck that is with the votes that have already been cast. Where are my good black friends? McCain calls everyone that isn't his friend - his friend, so I don't feel the least bit like a hypocrite with my black friend comment. Look, no one I know and no one I want to know has blacks as their friends. Who does? Those people that do still cringe deep down even if they don't want to admit it. Nevertheless, I think that it is time for a black man in the White House and time to pimp out the Presidential Limousine. I am waiting for the State of the Union Address to be done in the form of a rap.

Chicken Porn and Booze

It has come to my attention that people think I am a drunk and a chicken porn lover. First of all, I hate chickens and the only fantasies I have about them is eating them. Secondly, I will admit that I love wine, but I would never regardless of my lack of soberness spit seeds at Jews. I am a Jew, I love Jews and I would never jeopardize my relationship with my Judiasm. Would you?

My New Hero....

....Imus. That's right I said it. Can you handle it? I love Imus. I listen to him in the morning when I am having my cereal with soy milk that my Mommy and I eat together. Imus says it like it is and I can relate to that. For instance, the new phrase that I have taken from him is "racism is a luxury". Another words, none of us want Obama, whom are we kidding, but what choice do we have???

The Debate

Well, my friends (a phrase, which McCain stole from me and has overused), I watched the ill fated debate last night. It was comical to see how upset McCain was. I do have some advice for McCain for the next debate. First of all, leave Joe out of it. He didn't do anything to you and don't try to put him between you and Obama. You sound like a bitter divorced old woman who uses her children for attention and as leverage against her ex-husband. Secondly, take a Tums or a Zantac before the next debate. The indigestion on national television is hardly becoming. Thirdly, take a Nitroglycerin before the next debate. At points I thought that you were going to have a heart attack with your anger. Fourth, take a Xanax, I'm sure you can find one and other goodies like that in your wife's purse. It might make you seem a little less than the old, stubborn hot head we all know deep down that you are. Finally, I am observing how angry and downright mad you get at Obama and at losing this election and it makes me wonder how are you going to be in negogiating with foreign leaders when you don't get your way. You are like a little kid having a temper tantrum and then apologizing after the fact. It's growing old much like you. Oh, one more thing the public financing for your campaign. I think you need to mention how you almost lost your bid for the race entirely when you totally mismanaged and overspent your funds before New Hampshire. To sum it up, "Congratulations, John, you just lost an election to a black man".

Who in the Hell is Joe?

Joe-Six-Pack
Joe, the Plumber
Joe the Small Business Owner
Say it Ain't so Joe
and my personal favorite McCain proclaiming, "Congratulations, Joe you are rich!"

I want to meet this so called person named Joe. Does he live on Main Street or Wall Street? Why do his needs keep coming up in this campaign? My theory is that the people named Joe have formed a lobby group and are trying to convince the candidates to meet their needs. My God can one of these candidates stop using Joe to further their ideology. It's sickening. All the Maui's of the World need to unite and put an end to this Joe Lobbying Group. Our voice needs to be heard.

Drugs and God

Why is it that after a person has used drugs or committeed a crime he or she finds God? I know many of you are wondering that too. We all have the pothead cousin or worse and wonder when their addiciton will cease. No need to wonder anymore. I am going to give you a timeline that you can go by in order to help you. First, the drug use starts in their teens or early twenties. Next they fail at college or do not even go - what a surprise, I know. Next, they are in their 30's and still losers. But right around 40 something starts to change. The booze and drugs have begun to take a toil and they are overweight and look like hell. In addition the people whom they did their drugs with have either died from an overdose or got married in their 30's and cleaned up their act. So, the friends to get high with are now gone and they are left with their drugs and their cat. It is at this time that God Almighty steps in to assist. Now, they need a new social outlet and they begin finding Jesus. Rather quickly Jesus begins to replace the drug addiciton. They are getting high with God now, instead of their loser friends. What's even better they want you to join them! DO NOT join them - going to church and worshipping an imaginary friend can never lead to anything productive. Instead of making a change that actually requires effort - like going to school, getting a job, losing weight or setting a fitness goal, they are still looking for a "quick fix". Finding God is not genuine not to mention religion and it's crazy rituals is absolutely absurd. Now, you have a timeline to put on your fridge with someone's name and picture next to it. Of course, there are those addicts who switch it up in their 40's and realize prescription drugs are the way to go. These sicko's may also find God, but they feel that they have kicked their habit because they are now under a "doctor's care".

My Friends

My friends, I'm putting it out there that I want Senator McCain to have a full mental evaluation. I question several things. First I feel that he is displaying the early signs of Alzheimer's Disease by some of his responses in his last debate with Obama. At one point he said that Social Security is an "easy thing to fix". If it is so easy, then why in his 26 years as Senator has he failed to propose one bill to "fix it". I think that he forgot that he was a Senator when he made that comment. Then he went into his feelings on Iraq and how he's not going to lose this war. This statement brings up his several mental health issues - first his anger management issues, second his failure to grasp reality, third his memory and finally, his hostility and possible flashbacks. Senator McCain gives me the impression that he is talking in a low voice like someone does when they are beyond the point of angry and that he will snap any second when he addressed the audience. But that aside, how can he be that out of touch with Americans? We have not won a war since the World Wars or has McCain forgotten that in his quest to emulate Teddy Roosevelt. Third, his fascination with trying to avenge Vietnam has to stop. This prisoner of war business has really gone to his head. Therefore, I implore Senator McCain to seek help and check himself into the nearest mental hospital. As an added bonus, it will give him yet another reason to suspend his campaign as he keeps trying to do.