A New Low

I'm here in Grafton with a guard that wants to eat me. Her name is Truffles and I think that she is a lesbian given that she has a beard that she sports with pride. I digress... Apparently, my "grandpapa" felt that I needed a bath. I take baths in a bathroom sink, where I can easily climb in and out on my towel. Then I am blown dry and allowed to groom my feathers and have a cigarette. Well, that is not the case in Grafton. I am hauled off to an unheated garage, where I am dumped into a kitchen sink. Don't they know that I can't swim? I panic and flap my wings while Truffles jumps out trying to get on the counter, so even if I make it she will eat me. Is it me or have I sunk to a new low?