Two Mr. Feldman's

I've decided I have no other choice in this matter as the wedding is tomorrow, I'm going to have to adopt Daddy. What else can I do? The man is nearly 40 and has parents, but seems to be begging me for my last name. Why else would he be marrying my Mommy? It's all a ruse to be closer to me, I can see through it. So, I am having my attorney draw up the papers and that will be my wedding gift to my Daddy. He will now go by Howard Feldman. It has a nice Jewish ring to it and will likely help him with business. Everyone wants an angry, frustrated Jew for his or her attorney, we all know that. Mommy, on the other hand, can go by Tracy Kirkpatrick - I can't adopt everyone. I just want my Daddy to know that I welcome him with open wings and a sharp beak!