Bathing

Why I even need to discuss this topic is beyond my comprehension! I bathe on a daily basis...my Mommy runs the water in the sink and it pools into a nice little puddle and I inch down on my towel and stand under the refreshing shower. It has come to my attention that Daddy is debating when to give pissface (Nini) a bath. How is this topic even up to debate? First of all she stinks if the wind blows just right I can get a whiff of it up here....it's a mixture of fish, piss, wet dog and dry dog all together. The mere description of it makes me gag. She turns my stomach and to think where that tongue has been just kills me. I hope that Daddy stops debating and just gives her once monthly bath!

Getting My Drink On

Those are Nini's words....it has come to my attention that the dog drinks beer. How totally American? My god she should go on a Budweiser ad...I can see it now. They catch Nini licking her ass and then show the beer next to her and say something like"This bud's for you". Can you imagine? The sad thing is most beer drinkers would find it funny and be encouraged to continue their crass behavior. I'm a wine drinker myself and a refined one at that. I could never go to a Happy Hour sit outside with my Daddy and sip a Bud. The mere thought of it makes me want to puke.

Let's Talk Tricks

I do several of them and I didn't even need to be "trained" with food. I just caught on to them very quickly. Now, Nini, on the other hand is another story. I heard through the grapevine that Daddy is trying to teach her "paw" to no avail. How sad is that? Daddy says it and grabs her paw at the same time and she just stares blankly at him. Tell me whom is more intelligent?? I think that it is obvious. I am smarter than her and Daddy combined yet I sit here in the freezing cold without my Mommy and look out the window at dead grass.

Out of Shape

I heard from the hawks circling yesterday that Daddy and Mommy took Nini to the tennis court to let her run around, what a scene that must have been. Supposedly, the little rat chased the ball for all of a minute and then ran in circles around the net like an alligator was chasing her only to finally have her tongue dragging on the ground with the rest of her body. I hope that Daddy was embarassed to tears by that display. Then I heard that she couldn't even make it down the hall to her condo, Daddy had to carry her sorry ass. She yawned her way through the rest of the day and then she was asleep in my Mommy's arms by 7. She couldn't even make it through the Wheel, not that she would be able to solve any of the simple puzzles. I won't even waste my time with that show I save my intelligence for Jeopardy.

Daddy Sunning Himself

I hear that Daddy is living it up in Florida laying out by the pool and getting his drink on, while I sit here in a back room with Truffles. I heard he may not back until after Christmas the balls of him. While I sit here and freeze, he has that little Italian rat with him in the sun. I can't stand it and from what I hear all he does is yell at her and shake his head. She is too dumb to even learn "paw". I mean I know tricks and this thing only knows to lick her own ass. What kind of trick is that? It's gross is what it is. The first time I saw it it was like going by a horrific accident where you know that you shouldn't look, but you just can't help it.

Madoff

Madoff gives all Jews a bad name. Who steals from his own? A Jew that's whom and I pity the people who didn't know better. I know that they claim that they are victims. Come on??? Am I supposed to feel sorry for people who were already wealthy and greedy? We birds have learned less is more. We keep simple homes with fabulous views and prefer our freedom, rather than being tied down with stuff.

It's that Time of Year

When I literally try to hide in my cage, until the coast is clear. That's right, it's Thanksgiving, where my cousins will meet their death in order to save the rest of us. Hitler did have a lasting effect across the oceans. Well, I'm here in Grafton wondering if I am dinner on Thursday. I"m trying to be optimistic, but I know the odds are not in my favor - what better way to get rid of a guest than to cook him? If only Nini were here, the licking her ass and chasing her tail would surely distract them from me.