Balls

....that's the only word to describe my Daddy today. He had the balls to come in and see me one last time as he is packing up to go to Florida. Of course, I screamed at the mere sight of him and nearly fell off my perch when he said "it's Daddy". Does the man think that I am stupid? I know who he is - who does he think I see in my nightmares every night, besides Nini? I get it pack up leave me here in Grafton while you go off and sun it. How pathetic is Daddy? He's Irish I give him 10 minutes in the sun. It's alright I don't want to go anyway. I can't imagine being held up in that tiny Mazda with that crowd - Daddy who drives into curbing, Nini whom I've nicknamed Pissface for obvious reasons, and Mommy with her leg out. NO THANKS!

The Differences are too Great!

I can't do it. There's no way I can tolerate a staunch, stubborn Roman Catholic. I am now in Grafton and am realizing how much better it is without the Catholic around me all the time. Typical of any religious nut, if you give her an inch she'll take a mile and act like it's you who is crazy. She goes around all day with a look of innocence when I know that she's really plotting to kill the Jew in the room. I can see it by the look in her eye. Of course, Mommy and Daddy are obilivous to the religious tension that she is causing. I don't dare mention temple I think that will make her growl turn into a bite. I sleep with one eye open and slowly peak out of my chambers to see where she is. Everyone thinks it's a joke and then a bomb goes off.

Off to Florida

Would you believe that they are going to Florida and more importantly that I am not? That's right the little white rat can go and I the tropical bird has to stay up North in the cold and snow. It's not even natural. Nini won't appreciate going there like I would not to mention that she doesn't even know where she is half the time anyway. It's pathetic. I can't stand how she has manipulated her way into the car and I am left out on the street. From now on her and Daddy are to address me as Mr. Feldman and are not to make direct eye contact with me. I will view such action as a challenge and will unleash my built up hostility on each of them. I am just shocked to my core and yet not surprised that Daddy is being led by something that licks its own ass.

Children and Dogs

Well, I am pulling my feathers out over the dog only to find out that my Mommy is going to be an aunt in January and April. What is happening? Is this the end of the world first a dog and now I will have cousins. I refuse to do diaper duty, just like I refuse to let that dirty dog near me, especially after I see what it licks not to mention it pees at will. Even I a simple bird have semi-learned to poop on command. I'm not an animal. At night I retire to my chambers only to wake up to see that dirty thing in the bed. It turns my stomach, so I try to startle it into peeing by screaming. I am practicing when it's not here the exact pitch that will evoke pee. How I'd love it to pee right in front of Daddy who thinks that he is the next Caesar with that little rat. Nothing would give me greater pleasure then to rub Daddy's nose in it.

Sidenote

To just explain White and Black Dave - there are 2 Dave's at Dino's (the Italian restaurant we go) and one always wears black hence Black Dave.

Nini Marie Antinori

That's her full name, she's a Catholic and a virgin. I don't think this arrangement is going to work. Now, mind you I have only heard of her through the grapevine as I am still in Grafton. Great, a dog to ruin my days now as if Daddy wasn't enough.

Black Dave

So, I keep hearing that Black Dave only works one night a week and on weekends. I asked my Mommy and Daddy, "well, where is he during the day?" to which they replied he's at the courthouse. Oh, my God!! Why aren't alarm bells ringing in their pee size brains. They claim he works there. Okay, and OJ is just visiting the jail he resides in too. Isn't it obvious he's a career criminal! We all know the lingo for someone on trial - "he's in court, he's at the courthouse." He's out on bail is more like it, which comes as no surprise.