Daddy's a Catholic, Mommy's an Atheist and I'm Scared!

As you all know I am a German Jew and proud of it. However, my Daddy is a Catholic and my Mommy is an Atheist. I am not sure whom I should fear if any. My instinct tells me to fear the Catholic because they are beyond reason and perform rituals without knowing the reason behind it or choose to ignore it. I am afraid of ignorance and you should be too. I am also afraid of rituals for the sake of rituals and not understanding the relevance if any they have to modern day life. The only good thing about my Daddy is he is not an old Catholic - for they are the worse. A unique mix of stubborn, ignorance, with a subtle fear of dying and arrogrance. It is a lethal combination if you ask me. Once anyone begins to use religion to fuel their own agenda the outcome is never good. Few things move people as much as religion I think a close second are the Kennedy's in this state and in general "Patriotism". I guess my point is - whenever someone is "waving" something in my face whether it be the bible or the American flag as to why I should think or act a certain way I know I am dealing with a true idiot and I try to steer clear. If you can't tell me intelligently why to do something and not because of a fear of hell or because God or the President thinks I should, then you have my respect.

Jury Duty

So, my Mommy is finally done with her jury duty. Can you believe it? Someone thought my Mommy would be impartial - clearly, they don't live with her! That being said when she would come home and tell me that she couldn't discuss the case I would tell her just tell me he's not Jewish. She wouldn't tell me, which of course infuriated me. However, given what she has told me now on the case and what I have read on the internet from the Civil Service Commission in Boston I feel confident that she made the right decision. I am posting a link regarding the information that I found on the internet.
http://www.mass.gov/csc/csc_cases/harr.pdf

My Mommy made the front page of the Telegram! She also made the Globe too.
http://www.telegram.com/article/20080619/NEWS/806190746/1116

Here's the Globe link.
http://www.boston.com/news/local/massachusetts/articles/2008/06/19/jury_rules_in_favor_of_fired_police_chief/

Tim Russet Cry Me a River

So, guess what happens to people when they get fat, besides ugly, they create a cardiac nightmare. That's right I said it fat people are a walking time bomb. Tim Russet proved that despite being an arrogrant jerk that won't kill you, but being a fatty will. As a bird, I diligently watch every morsel that I delicately place in my mouth. I don't just eat and eat and eat until I burst. And don't forget I exercise. I take ballet and tap and I get funky with my Barry Manilow. So, to all of you who are "smush, smush and crying a river" over Tim Russet - take a look in the mirror and make sure you are not heading down that same road. Although I highly doubt, any of you will be asked to be the next host of Meet the Press.

Nafta and the Pinata

Hello, my friends as some of you know my position on Nafta. However, no one can appreciate it more than my Mommy. She knows how it angers me and makes me fume. So, my Mommy ever mindful of my volatile temper bought me an item to take out my frustration on and express my feelings about Nafta. That's right you probably have guessed it by now - a Pinata. I bang it with all my might and rip it apart with my beak. At times I fling it and wrestle with it. Although it depletes my energy, it does not negate my feelings towards Nafta.

My List of Grievances Against Daddy

First off let me just state that I love my Daddy. That being established - he has a way ruffling my feathers if you will.

To begin with he walks in after being an absentee father all week and announces in the most annoying voice possible, "It's Daddy!". Oh, is it? Does that mean that I am suddenly to stop what I am doing and drop everything because it's Daddy? A father who doesn't even call me during the week. I think not.

Then he knows I do not care to have my feet touched. What does he do, but touch my feet. I hate it, so I gently withdraw my foot from his grasp and then he grabs the other one. At that point I am left with no choice, but to bite him, which then usually leads to the first fight of the weekend. Daddy then calls me "you little fucker" and flings me to the floor.

After that depending on the severity of the fight, I may or may not talk to him for the rest of the weekend. Next Daddy will take one of my hanging toys and bang it against my cage to make the bell ring - again knowing that infuriates me. I will then beeline down my cage and lunge at Daddy. If this happens, this usually leads Daddy to state "I'm done with you".

Then before you know it's Monday morning and I am waving Daddy goodbye and am back to just me and Mommy, which is what I prefer the most. I say to myself as he pulls away, "until we meet again next weekend, Daddy-o".

Oprah's Thighs

I was recently flipping through the channels when I came across Oprah. Since my mind needed a rest, I thought I would watch her mindless show. I could not believe the size of her calves. They are bigger than my Mommy's thighs, which led me to wonder how big are her thighs. Does anyone really know? Perhaps, we should ask Stedman. Oh, never mind he would be the least likely person to know. What about her best friend, that's what they are calling it these days, Gail? I think she would know. I think I will write her a letter that will go something like this..."My dearest Gail, can quantify the approximate size of your lady friend, Oprah's, thighs? I am not asking for it to be exact, but if you could put into some kind of perspective that would be great. Sincerely, Mr. Feldman" What do you think? I hope she will answer.

Ted Kennedy's Brain Transplant

Now it is my understanding that Senator Kennedy had brain surgery this past week. Hmmmm...I was asking my Mommy if he had a brain transplant. She denies it, but I am not so sure. I wonder if he will still be reaching for the bottle after this surgery or if they removed that part of his brain. Also, I think the entire Kennedy clan should so moral support for their beloved "Teddy" and have a part of their brain removed as well. Not only will it be a show of solitude, but it will likely improve their behavior.

Shame on Hillary

That's right I said it - shame, shame on Hillary. Dropping out of the race and succumbing to the pressure by the Democratic party. I thought Hillary had more balls of steel than that. And then what in God's name is the Democratic party thinking - a black man and for president no less. Who are they kidding other than themselves? Why don't we just speed up the process and forgot the November elections that Diebold will have to fix and call it McCain now? It's going to go that way now we all know it will. You Toyota Prius driving hippies can act like you are comfortable with a black man for president, but you know when it comes to election day - you'll be voting for McCain!