Where's my Mommy???

It's not that I don't love my stay here in the backwoods of Grafton, but enough is enough. I can't keep these people entertained any longer and it is all I can do not to unleash my fury on their little dog, Truffles. I have to watch television with Grampy every night and he doesn't even watch any of my programs. Is Larry King still alive? Then I have to let Grammy pet me. I am not a feather duster. At least I do have my own room and a window with a view. I need a television though in my room. I am giving Mommy this weekend to come and get me and if she doesn't it's going to be her loss!

Easter and Why I Wish I Were the Ham

So, my Mommy had Daddy's family over for Easter. Supposedly, it was the day that I was scheduled to come home, but of course I couldn't because of them. Luckily, Frankie was able to report back to me all the horrid details. Apparently, they had the Chicopee guards and as an added bonus one of Daddy's sisters, her loud boyfriend and her boyfriend's son, the magician. She brought Mommy a bag of vegetables. Let me emphasize again "a bag of vegetables from a local farm". Exactly, what farmstands are open at this time of the year? But I digress, my grandparents (my Mommy's parents) came for dessert. I just love them. The magician performed some tricks. Frankie said that they were good, but he is easily mystified. Then the final topper came when Daddy's sister said that she brought her tupperware for leftovers. Not that my Mommy was going to eat them anyway, but I nearly fell off my perch when Frankie reported back that detail. It doesn't matter anyway as I sat home alone on a holiday that I don't celebrate.

Chris Rock is an Honorary Jew

I LOVE CHRIS ROCK!!! That's right I said. I love a black man and I'm not ashamed of it. Chris Rock tells it like it is. He even distinguishes himself from the "others", unlike Obama who calls it America. I am asking for contributions to the Chris Rock fund. I want to be able to take my Mommy and Daddy - if their are enough funds for him - to a Chris Rock show to enlighten them as I have been.

Obama, Jesus and Oprah

I hate them all! Has anyone watched the news recently? Obama is standing behind or in front of his minister with the press. How absurd? Of course, Oprah has endorsed Obama as she does everything else with little research behind her support. She's an idiot with money - the only thing that separates her from the rest is the money. It is shameful that Obama is able to talk his way around experience and education. It is also highly disturbing that he is so mesmorized by his preacher, however, it may be good as it may bring about his demise in this race.

Easter

Well, Easter and Passover are upon us once again this year. Although I denounce Easter, my Mommy is hosting Daddy's family for it. I will try not to lash out at them and ridicule them at the table. I will wait until they are gone and just take notes while they are there. It should be very interesting to see how everyone behaves. I already know how I will behave. I find Easter to be the most insulting holiday of them all. Beyond the fact that I am Jewish, I am a bird and the idea of a rabbit laying an egg is disgusting to me. I can't fathom how people first of all buy into the religion aspect of the holiday and secondly, a rabbit laying an egg?!

Obama - O Just Shoot Me

Are you Americans really as dumb as you look? I used to vehmently argue no, now, however, I am not so sure. Don't you see that if you have Obama for the Democratic nominee - it is nearly certain McCain will be president? With Obama as the new "black hope" you are voting for corporate America. Next you will have the Pope run for President. What are you thinking?

Mommy and Daddy

Hello, my good friends it has been so long since I have been able to write to all of you. Well, I made it out of that hell hole - much to my own determination. The worst of it was that I had my bags packed, had respectively told the other inmates to kiss it, flipped off the guards and was at the door waiting for my Mommy when the call came. She couldn't come and get me because Eddie had died that morning. What did him being dead have to do with picking me up? Talk about having to eat crow. I had to stay there another 2 days before she finally came to take me and in the meantime the living conditions got worse. They turned the heat off! They were trying to freeze me out, but I held fast and stayed in my cozy to keep warm.

I got home only to find that Daddy insisted on antagonizing me. Naturally, I lashed out. Guess where that got me? Grammy and Grampy's! I am very happy here though. I watch television with Grampy and we all have breakfast and dinner together. Other than my plotting to get rid of their little dog, Truffles, life here is relatively good. I will write to you more when I have the chance. In the meantime if any of you could post on my blog how to poison a dog and make it look an accident I would greatly appreciate it.